Question:

As cruel as my husband has been to me during our divorce (ongoing now)… I am feeling much as you are. It is so hard to forget the good times we had together and we had a lot. In my case, half my life was spent with my stbx and the memories don’t go away. But as I reflect on the past, I see that maybe I overlooked many signs of trouble and imagined so much more than there was. Some of us invest our hearts and souls into a marriage because we meant it to last a lifetime. The larger the investment, the greater the pain. Best wishes to you. Barb * Sent from RemarQ http://www.remarq.com The Internet’s Discussion Network * The fastest and easiest way to search and participate in Usenet – Free!

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But whatever you do, please do not try to heal that hole in your heart by trying to have someone else fill it for you. Any attempt to find your happiness *in someone else* will only hurt you more in the long run.

I had a long talk with my sister-in-law (s2bx’s sister) about this and she made me understand how silly this would be! Like you, she said I would probably end up falling for this person and end up getting hurt even worse. She is going through a divorce also (don’t ask!) and we have started talking to each other quite a bit. She gives me insight about how a woman feels and I give her insight into how a man feels while we are going through this. We are both starting to feel a lot better about ourselves and it always feels good to be able to cry on each other’s shoulder once in a while. We made an agreement the other day that we would start trying to go out together when we are feeling lonley. We used to do this all the time when we were married and always had fun together. Hopefully we can help each other get through this a little better and quicker, you never know. Don’t worry, I have always been the brother she didn’t have and she is more like a sister to me than my real sister. Dustin P.S. I just got a call from my s2bx, she finally let the lawyer get a court date, June 30 at 10:00 am. WooHoo, one more hurdle down, about a bagillion to go:-)

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Sometimes I think I am going crazy because I hate her and love her at the same time! How can you have such opposite emotions for someone?

Those emotions aren’t as far apart as they seem.  Love and hate are such strong, overpowering emotions that there seems to be a fine line between.  When done (or become).

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I agree Completely with this one.. I have been married for a year and a half.  My wife and I love each other deeply, but she has problems along with a family that hates me.  Over the last 18 months, I have been placed in jail, had a restraining order placed against me, had my car stolen by her, had it impounded as well.  Had to pay for a bus ticket from Florida to New Hampshire, just to have her end up in another state.  She returned after our anniversary for one night, and gone again for 6 months.  Now I have just spent the most wonderful  two days with my wife, just to see her go back to her new Boyfriend, with whom she’s pregnant with twins.  And through all this I still love her, and am not mad at her or hate her, just sad.  My wife and I have started over as friends, it will be hard for me, we are working at the same company. (I am a fool, of course.  At least thats what everyone here’s tellin me.) But I know eventually, I will have my wife back again, if even for a few days or weeks.  Without her, my life is quite boring now. Well guess thats enough carrining on.. — Click here for Free Video!! http://www.gohip.com/free_video/

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Sometimes I think I am going crazy because I hate her and love her at the same time! How can you have such opposite emotions for someone? Those emotions aren’t as far apart as they seem.  Love and hate are such strong, overpowering emotions that there seems to be a fine line between. When they’ve done (or become).

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– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I agree Completely with this one.. I have been married for a year and a half.  My wife and I love each other deeply, but she has problems along with a family that hates me.  Over the last 18 months, I have been placed in jail, had a restraining order placed against me, had my car stolen by her, had it impounded as well.  Had to pay for a bus ticket from Florida to New Hampshire, just to have her end up in another state.  She returned after our anniversary for one night, and gone again for 6 months.  Now I have just spent the most wonderful  two days with my wife, just to see her go back to her new Boyfriend, with whom she’s pregnant with twins.  And through all this I still love her, and am not mad at her or hate her, just sad. My wife and I have started over as friends, it will be hard for me, we are working at the same company. (I am a fool, of course.  At least thats what everyone here’s tellin me.) But I know eventually, I will have my wife back again, if even for a few days or weeks.  Without her, my life is quite boring now. Well guess thats enough carrining on..

Johhny: Have you begun a new career as a professional DOOR MAT! Where is that cast iron frying pan, hmm…., lets see… Ah yes, here it is! Stand real still…. KABONG! (Damn, you bent the pan!) AHA! That’s your problem! There is ROCKS IN YOUR HEAD! I heard ‘em! Your wife disappears into the sunset, carries on with GOD knows how many strange men, gets knocked up by one of them with twins….. and YOU are willing to take her back??? Do you realize that if you take her back, the courts will invoke the "Presumption of Paternity" laws and MAKE YOU PAY FOR THE OTHER MAN’S CHILDREN FOR THE NEXT 18+ YEARS! Have you LOST YOUR &^$*&$^%$ MIND? IMHO, you need to seek professional councelling – RIGHT NOW! Only someone with REAL SERIOUS ISSUES would do what you are doing! This woman does not give damn about her vows, and probably not about YOU either! GET HELP & GET OUT — NOW! Before you suffer a cuckold’s fate! Unless that is what you REALLY WANT! Lloyd – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – — Click here for Free Video!! http://www.gohip.com/free_video/ Sometimes I think I am going crazy because I hate her and love her at the same time! How can you have such opposite emotions for someone? Those emotions aren’t as far apart as they seem.  Love and hate are such strong, overpowering emotions that there seems to be a fine line between. When what they’ve done (or become).

Before you buy.

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Soon enough you will stop hating her. When you do, you

will realize that she wasn’t good enough for you, she was only holding you back, and that you will do better.<< I cannot stand being on such a rollercoaster of emotions. Depending on what hour you talk to me, you get a different person.  I can’t WAIT to get past the hate and the hurt and to be able to really focus on the fact that he wasn’t good enough for me… that I want and deserve more. I try to think of it the same way as listening to a storm. You see the flash of lightening and start counting until you hear the thunder.  If the numbers climb higher than you know the storm is moving away.  I count, now, every time I hit the floor.  I count until the next time that I hit the floor.  If the numbers climb, than I know that I am doing better.  Instead of focusing on the fact that I have been brought to my knees, yet again, I try to remember that I got a little farther this time, before I fell. And one day, not soon, but one day, I know that I won’t even have to count anymore.  I cannot fathom that, but I know it’s true. Colleene * Sent from AltaVista http://www.altavista.com Where you can also find related Web Pages, Images, Audios, Videos, News, and Shopping.  Smart is Beautiful

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How on earth do you fall out of love with your spouse?

Well not that I was ever IN Love with my spouse, but HE made it very easy to not only  NOT love him but to NOT like him! I know this was not your case, and I know there is some part of you that will doubtless always love him, but  I think you need to put  that part of you deep inside and try and move on, as hard as it may be.

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", how the heck do you fall out of love with the person you promised to spend the rest of your life with? The pain is horrible." Love has nothing to do with commitment they are two separate issues.

AMEN! Lloyd * Sent from RemarQ http://www.remarq.com The Internet’s Discussion Network * The fastest and easiest way to search and participate in Usenet – Free!

Before you buy.

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How on earth do you fall out of love with your spouse? Obviously, my husband had no problem doing so, but I just can’t fathom not loving him anymore.  I try to focus on the affair, but I’m so willing to forgive that and get past it, that it doesn’t help much.  I’ve been living with this mess since January, and it doesn’t seem to be getting any easier.  I KNOW that I have to move on, alone, and I will do that, but no matter where my life takes me, it seems like I will always be in love with him.

What you’re feeling now isn’t permanent. It’s grieving, and it’s as real as if your your spouse had died. Because either by way of death or divorce, in many ways, it amounts to the same thing — the loss of a relationship. And so as ironic as it sounds, it’s quite natural and healthy that you would feel this way right now. And I would be more concerned for you if you didn’t feel this way now. Just as you are faithful that a wound on your body would heal, know too that this pain of loss you are feeling right now will heal itself with time as well. In the mean time, just as you would do with a bodily wound, be kind to yourself, and go easy with yourself. This will best help the healing process along; most efficiently help the current pain subside. C.J.

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Even though I hate her for cheating on me I still have this empty place in my heart where she used to be.

Soon enough you will stop hating her.  When you do, you will realize that she wasn’t good enough for you, she was only holding you back, and that you will do better. I never hated her, so I got through those other steps fairly quickly.

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Half the time I feel like I’m about to snap, I’m so mad, and the other half, I just plain miss her.  I feel like I need to meet someone to help me move on and fill in that empty spot in my

heart, I know exactly how you feel. These feelings almost destroyed me. I thought for certain that they would eventually kill me. But it DOES get better with time. I can’t say that I never hurt anymore, but I can say that even in down times I KNOW I will survive them. I’ve even found times with real joy, much to my surprise, without her. But whatever you do, please do not try to heal that hole in your heart by trying to have someone else fill it for you. Any attempt to find your happiness *in someone else* will only hurt you more in the long run. While you would be trying to make room in your heart for another, you would still fail at filling THAT hole. Another person can not fill it for you. You must first repair the damage, accept the loss, and GROW from this experience before you can properly accept another into your heart. Believe it or not, this is an OPPORTUNITY to really discover yourself and to really grow stronger and more capable of love. It can hopefully lead to an even better love based solely on desire instead of on need. The temptations to "replace" what once filled that empty spot in your heart will be great. But resist them so that you can heal first. Don’t fool yourself into thinking "I’m ready", until you are comfortable with who you are as a single person first. The only thing I’ve found that immediately can help to fill that hole is God. Rushing into filling the hole with another person will prevent you from every healing and ever getting completely past this.

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Colleene,      Love makes us all a little blind.  Love makes us all a little crazy.  When we love someone, it is so easy to overlook so many faults. I did for too long.  I loved my fiancee so much…even though he did drugs behind my back, went to a 17-year-old girl’s house all the time behind my back, and then there were the things that he didn’t do behind my back…like looking me dead in the eye and lying about it.  Yet, I still loved him, blindly and was willing to forgive all this.  Then we rushed into a marriage and then after it was all over, it just hit me! BAM!  I had married a jerk.  The things he did to me were inexcusable. I was used and I was taken advantage of…what’s more is that I’ve discovered I’m too good for him and I’m getting out of it.  He is hurt, now, of course. He doesn’t want me to leave, but you know why?  It’s because he will never find someone else to take his sh*t again.  What’s more, right as I’m starting this divorce, I had fate deal me another big thing to handle…I have always been a skeptic.  Never believed in fate and all that other such bullsh*t, but then a guy comes along whose likeness to me is so powerful it’s about knocked me flat on my rear. Yet, I’m keeping him at bay for a long time, till my heart is over ‘the jerk’.  It just made me realize that there is a whole big, world out there and life is too beautiful to waste on someone who makes you unhappy.  Don’t stare upon the door that has closed, just look at the one that’s opened for you.  A cheater is always a cheater.  If he sees you happy and full of life again, yeah, he’ll be back, but slam that door shut in his face, girl…the world is yours!!!!  Adopt a theme song, adopt a mantra…those are the pills that worked best for me. Watch the movie ‘Sliding Doors’.  It’s great…and it shows how fate can work with romance…I guarantee it will shed some light on what I’m talking about.  You are too good for him, don’t forget that!           – Kelly * Sent from RemarQ http://www.remarq.com The Internet’s Discussion Network * The fastest and easiest way to search and participate in Usenet – Free!

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How on earth do you fall out of love with your spouse? Obviously, my husband had no problem doing so, but I just can’t fathom not loving him anymore.  I try to focus on the affair, but I’m so willing to forgive that and get past it, that it doesn’t help much.  I’ve been living with this mess since January, and it doesn’t seem to be getting any easier.  I KNOW that I have to move on, alone, and I will

Colleene, your forgeting something here… your husband fell out of love a long time back. He has had a long time to rationalize his behavior. If he seems cool and withdrawn, it because he moved on a long time ago. us part really meant something to me.  My greatest fear is going to my grave still holding him in my heart.  Not that

Planning on dying soon? The truth is that in time, you will look back and he will no longer hold that special place. promised to spend the rest of your life with?  The pain is horrible.

The pain is horrible, but it will get better, I swear it.

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", how the heck do you fall out of love with the person you promised to spend the rest of your life with? The pain is horrible." Love has nothing to do with commitment they are two separate issues. For my own part, I find them very much connected.

A person can be in love with someone but not be committed to them; as in the case of being in love with a former spouse but no longer being committed to them or the relationship. A person can be committed to someone out of obligation but not be in love with them. Commitment is the foundation for any genuinely loving

relationship. I grant you that commitment does not guarantee the success of a

relationship, but it is a most significant factor to help assure it.

Ah, but if both parties are truly committed to the relationship is will most certainly guarantee the success of the relationship because BOTH parties will work toward solutions to keep the relationship healthy and in tact. Whether consciously or instinctively, anyone who is truly concerned about the

emotional or spiritual growth of another individual knows that he or she can

significantly foster that growth only through a relationship of constancy.

Commitment to the person only will ultimately doom the relationship.  In times of stress, illness, tragedy, etc. one spouse may not feel any love toward the spouse.  These times pass and the feeling of love returns.  At these moments of difficulty if all they have to hang on to is commitment to someone they feel no love for they simply will not stay.  But if they are committed to the marriage they have a firm foundation that will keep them in the relationship. * Sent from RemarQ http://www.remarq.com The Internet’s Discussion Network * The fastest and easiest way to search and participate in Usenet – Free!

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", how the heck do you fall out of love with the person you promised to spend the rest of your life with? The pain is horrible." Love has nothing to do with commitment they are two separate issues.

For my own part, I find them very much connected. Commitment is the foundation for any genuinely loving relationship. I grant you that commitment does not guarantee the success of a relationship, but it is a most significant factor to help assure it. Whether consciously or instinctively, anyone who is truly concerned about the emotional or spiritual growth of another individual knows that he or she can significantly foster that growth only through a relationship of constancy. Children, for example, can’t grow to psychological maturity in an atmosphere of unpredictablity whether they are constantly concerned about the specter of abandonment. Likewise, couples can’t confront the problems of their marriages in any healthy way without the security of knowing that the act of struggling over these issues will not itself destroy the relationship. As bedrock is to a building, commitment is to love. And a love relationship without a component of commitment is likely to crumble, or at the very least become sickly or chronically frail. C.J.

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Is there a special pill I could swallow?!  Seriously, how the heck do you fall out of love with the person you promised to spend the rest of your life with?  The pain is horrible.

Colleene, This may sound silly, but there is a book called, "How To Fall Out of Love" I think the author is Debra Phillips, but I’m not sure. Anyway, I’ve used the book several times to help me get over a lost love. It uses behavior based exercises, like thought stopping. The author’s premise is falling in love is partly a learned behavior. It’s worth reading even if you decide you’re not interested in trying her techniques because she gives lots of case studies which show you CAN get over someone you once loved! She has examples of both marriages and relationships which have ended because one partner left, as well as loss through death.

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This may sound silly, but there is a book called, "How To

Fall Out of Love"<< If that book gives me even one good idea, then it will be worth it.  Thought stopping is exactly what I need to do. My mind wanders way too much.  There are moments when I get so caught up in the ‘what if’s’.  Really, thankyou for telling me about the book.  I’m going to the bookstore in the morning! Colleene * Sent from AltaVista http://www.altavista.com Where you can also find related Web Pages, Images, Audios, Videos, News, and Shopping.  Smart is Beautiful

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Till death do us part really meant something to me.  My greatest fear is going to my grave still holding him in my heart.

One thing that always amazes me about this list is how many times someone else writes exactly what I’m feeling or thinking! Even though I hate her for cheating on me I still have this empty place in my heart where she used to be. Every time I hear a sad song or think about her while I’m laying awake in bed, I start to cry because I miss her! Sometimes I think I am going crazy because I hate her and love her at the same time! How can you have such opposite emotions for someone? Half the time I feel like I’m about to snap, I’m so mad, and the other half, I just plain miss her. I feel like I need to meet someone to help me move on and fill in that empty spot in my heart, but I don’t know where to begin. I just want to meet a woman I can hang out with and go dancing and do other fun (cheap) stuff with. I’m not sure that, or anything, will ever let me forget the love. Like the song says, "Her voice is in my soul." I think she will always have a piece of my heart no matter what. I think, as time goes by, that piece will get smaller, but I somehow think it will never go away. Hopefully, the pain that goes along with that piece of my heart will shrink as well. Dustin

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", how the heck do you fall out of love with the person you promised to spend the rest of your life with? The pain is horrible." Love has nothing to do with commitment they are two separate issues. * Sent from RemarQ http://www.remarq.com The Internet’s Discussion Network * The fastest and easiest way to search and participate in Usenet – Free!

Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – How on earth do you fall out of love with your spouse? Obviously, my husband had no problem doing so, but I just can’t fathom not loving him anymore.  I try to focus on the affair, but I’m so willing to forgive that and get past it, that it doesn’t help much.  I’ve been living with this mess since January, and it doesn’t seem to be getting any easier.  I KNOW that I have to move on, alone, and I will do that, but no matter where my life takes me, it seems like I will always be in love with him.  I KNOW I have to let go of my hope that he’ll come back, but letting go of the hope doesn’t mean I let go of the love.  Till death do us part really meant something to me.  My greatest fear is going to my grave still holding him in my heart.  Not that I’m at all interested in another relationship at this time, but how on earth do I give myself to someone else if my heart still belongs to him?  This just sucks big time.

Hope is a wonderful thing. *False* hope isn’t. All humans need to differentiate between the two. It’s not easy to do so, when we want it so to be what we want. But, the world has a way of not listening at all to such requests. You start by letting go of the fears. When someone is too wrapped up in a fear, the thing that they fear most has great power over them. Take that power back, for yourself. Again, it’s not easy. But, the important things in life rarely are. Is there a special pill I could swallow?!  Seriously, how the heck do you fall out of love with the person you promised to spend the rest of your life with?  The pain is horrible.

In my case, a small part of me still loves the woman that my ex once *was*. But, as I *know*, on every level that she is not that woman, and that she, by her choice, will never again *be* that woman, I can feel that, and it doesn’t hold me back from anything. And, for the record, if my ex were to come to me and say " Andre, I made a horrid mistake in leaving you. I now want to apologise for what I did to you, and to make it right with you ", it would mean nothing, as I would not believe her, based on her record of the last five years. I would say " sign this decree, and give me back the stuff that yoy stole from me ". Colleene, there is no easy way, no happy pill, no yoga exercise that will guarantee your feeling differently. All that there is, is that *you* have to choose to no longer be in love with someone who did what he did to you. The love that you offer, means nothing to him. Why would you offer something of value, to you, to someone who doesn’t place any value on it ? Your promise is abrogated, by his actions. No one makes a 100% unconditional promise to be with someone, come *anything*. *Some* things are beyond the pale, and their commission by one spouse, frees the other spouse, legally and morally, from said promise. I understand that your promise means much to *you*. But, it doesn’t, to *him*. And, you know what we say here about the success rates of marriages where only one spouse works to maintain the marraige. Let it *go*. It only affects you, at this time. And, not for your own good. Let it go. In time. Colleene

Andre — " The noblest achievement of the imagination is to make time run some other way, and terminate in beauty and forgivness "                                          David Gelernter, " 1939 "

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Is there a special pill I could swallow?!  Seriously, how the heck do you fall out of love with the person you promised to spend the rest of your life with?  The pain is horrible.

Hi Colleene, There is indeed a special pill you can take to fall out of love with someone who has hurt you. It’s called Time, and is available without a prescription. Seriously, you are doing exactly what you need to be doing. Time will do the rest. I read all of your posts here, and I can see that you are having a hard time, but you are surviving. You are still in the "first phase" of the process, the one where you are angry and hurt, but still miss the person, the relationship, etc. In time, your attachment to him will become less and less, and you’ll actually reach a point where you can’t even imagine him being a part of your life! (trust me on this one). You may always love him. Despite how terrible my wife was to me, I will probably always love her. I would never want her to be a part of my life again, but she played such an important role in my life for so long that I will always remember the good times fondly. By helping people here (which I notice you do), you will continue to discover things about yourself. It is this self-realization that will help you move on and will help you find a better relationship next time (no rush!). My guess is that you have a touch of co-dependence you’re battling against. That’s very common, I have it too. A good book recommendation, if you’re into reading, is Codependence No More by Melanie Beattie. Take it day by day, continue helping others, and seek counseling of your own. Each person is on their own timetable. For me, it’s been since October, and I am a completely different person. I’m finally happy for the first time in my life. For you, it may take longer to feel happiness (with yourself). Hang in there, we’re here for you! Michael Before you buy.

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Colleene I have several years behind me and my ex’s affair so maybe I can help. My experience has been in the last 3 years that I still love the man that I married.  However my ex is not that man.  You have to do a lot of reflection on the kind of man that he was and now has become.  It is very painful sometimes because we had 16 good (not always great but good) years together and 2 beautiful girls who are now 13 and 8.  I have also given myself permission to still have part of my heart belong to him.  He was a very big part of my life for a very long time and we do share the girls so it is OK to still love who he was then.  It took me over 2 years to get to that point and realize that it was normal to still have feelings for this man who broke my heart. You are a very strong woman and have handled this situation very well so far.  I think that you will do just fine.  You don’t have to stop loving him if you don’t want to.  You do have to realize that he has changed to the point that he can hurt you this way – I’m sure that the man you married would not have been capable of inflicting this kind of pain on anyone especially you.  Just take things slowly and keep reminding yourself that he is the one with the problem not you.  Unfortunately some people get very self-centered and selfish when they get older and the rest of us end up paying the price for their selfishness. Good luck to you, and keep up the good work. Debbie – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – How on earth do you fall out of love with your spouse? Obviously, my husband had no problem doing so, but I just can’t fathom not loving him anymore.  I try to focus on the affair, but I’m so willing to forgive that and get past it, that it doesn’t help much.  I’ve been living with this mess since January, and it doesn’t seem to be getting any easier.  I KNOW that I have to move on, alone, and I will do that, but no matter where my life takes me, it seems like I will always be in love with him.  I KNOW I have to let go of my hope that he’ll come back, but letting go of the hope doesn’t mean I let go of the love.  Till death do us part really meant something to me.  My greatest fear is going to my grave still holding him in my heart.  Not that I’m at all interested in another relationship at this time, but how on earth do I give myself to someone else if my heart still belongs to him?  This just sucks big time. Is there a special pill I could swallow?!  Seriously, how the heck do you fall out of love with the person you promised to spend the rest of your life with?  The pain is horrible. Colleene * Sent from AltaVista http://www.altavista.com Where you can also find

related Web Pages, Images, Audios, Videos, News, and Shopping.  Smart is Beautiful

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How on earth do you fall out of love with your spouse?

Mine made it very easy for me!!! Obviously, my husband had no problem doing so, but I just can’t fathom not loving him anymore.  I try to focus on the affair, but I’m so willing to forgive that and get past it, that it doesn’t help much.  I’ve been living with this mess since January, and it doesn’t seem to be getting any easier.  I KNOW that I have to move on, alone, and I will do that, but no matter where my life takes me, it seems like I will always be in love with him.  I KNOW I have to let go of my hope that he’ll come back, but letting go of the hope doesn’t mean I let go of the love.  Till death do us part really meant something to me.  My greatest fear is going to my grave still holding him in my heart.  Not that I’m at all interested in another relationship at this time, but how on earth do I give myself to someone else if my heart still belongs to him?

You shouldn’t become seriously involved until you can let go of him… It wouldn’t be fair to the new person, or to yourself…  That’s why so many people say to wait a long time… Others are ready right away… Only YOU will know when YOU are ready….. This just sucks big time.

yep, it does…. Is there a special pill I could swallow?!  Seriously, how the heck do you fall out of love with the person you promised to spend the rest of your life with?  The pain is horrible.

I’m so sorry for you, but you will get over this pain…. Have faith… Take a day at a time, and keep moving forward… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -Colleene * Sent from AltaVista http://www.altavista.com Where you can also find related Web Pages, Images, Audios, Videos, News, and Shopping.  Smart is Beautiful

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How on earth do you fall out of love with your spouse? Obviously, my husband had no problem doing so, but I just can’t fathom not loving him anymore.  I try to focus on the affair, but I’m so willing to forgive that and get past it, that it doesn’t help much.  I’ve been living with this mess since January, and it doesn’t seem to be getting any easier.  I KNOW that I have to move on, alone, and I will do that, but no matter where my life takes me, it seems like I will always be in love with him.  I KNOW I have to let go of my hope that he’ll come back, but letting go of the hope doesn’t mean I let go of the love.  Till death do us part really meant something to me.  My greatest fear is going to my grave still holding him in my heart.  Not that I’m at all interested in another relationship at this time, but how on earth do I give myself to someone else if my heart still belongs to him?  This just sucks big time. Is there a special pill I could swallow?!  Seriously, how the heck do you fall out of love with the person you promised to spend the rest of your life with?  The pain is horrible. Colleene * Sent from AltaVista http://www.altavista.com Where you can also find related Web Pages, Images, Audios, Videos, News, and Shopping.  Smart is Beautiful

Response:

How on earth do you fall out of love with your spouse?

You don’t. Or at least you don’t do it on a certain timetable. I think that the best you can do in the short term is just to accept the fact that the relationship is no longer. And maybe in the long-term, too. For example, there’s a man out there somewhere that I still love. Was all set to marry him and, due to things that we couldn’t control, we ended up not marrying. I still love him (or, more accurately, I love the man that he was *then*. I have no idea if I would love the man that he is *now*,) but I have no desire to look him up or find out if he’s married or what because the relationship just isn’t possible. It doesn’t detract from the fact that I still have feelings for him, it doesn’t affect my marriage, it doesn’t have anything to do with anything other than I do still care about him. But that doesn’t happen overnight and it certainly didn’t happen because of anything in particular that I did. It was more of a ‘Well, we’re not getting married, I’ll probably never see him again, being together is not an option’ acceptance that came over a long period of time. — Tracey —– "All a parent, *any* parent, can do is give it their best shot, right or wrong. The actual outcome rests on so many variables, no single person can assume responsibility, blame or praise for whatever happens…. We’ve got to remember not to try to shoulder the blame for what other people do…."                                 –Aahz–

Response:

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